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Chillout

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Tue Apr 29, 2008 4:08 am

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest
sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't
they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian
backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

21. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

22. After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.


A. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
B. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
C. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than us.
D. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
E. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer
fewer heart attacks than us.
F. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and
suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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Beaky
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Fri May 02, 2008 2:47 am

Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.
--------------------------------
Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key..."
--------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
--------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
--------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach
the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
--------------------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.
--------------------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
--------------------------------
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
--------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once
and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
--------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
--------------------------------
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it.
--------------------------------
'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."
--------------------------------
A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?
"No, because he's really heavy"
--------------------------------
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
my backside."
"How's that?"
"Don't you start."
--------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
--------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
--------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
--------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one
of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think its Colin.
--------------------------------
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says "So are you, fat boy!"
--------------------------------
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
--------------------------------
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen.

It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
--------------------------------
A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places."
The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
--------------------------------
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed
into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as
digging continues into the night.

--------------------------------
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog.

He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head.
Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?'

'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
--------------------------------
"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you.
But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in."
--------------------------------
"A bloke told me "I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library."
I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books."
--------------------------------
"I went to the dentist.

He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"

He said "My dog's died.'"
--------------------------------
"I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'

He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
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Chillout

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Sun May 04, 2008 7:38 am

The Alabama preacher said to hiscongregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate..

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'No one moved.

The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.'Again all was quiet.

Thenslowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.

'The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared...
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Mon May 12, 2008 5:25 am

50 Facts About Men



1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few
weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my
husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually
cancels out the nice of "bald."

5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where
there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he
watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help
his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living
room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case
they call him.

7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off
season.

8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being
the first is upsetting to their psyches.

10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever
care about anyone else.

12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in
private; in public they have to know.

13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow,
instead of a gun.

15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

16. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a
combination address book, telescope and piano.

17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These
seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last
log does not burn, he will take it personally.

19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

20. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me
for a list of names.

21. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types:
depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

25. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more
types of lettuce, he is serious.

27. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got
older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty
surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter
and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.

29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying
he wished he could be Cary Grant.

30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

34. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and
creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's
my car?"

35. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...he
didn't lose your number...he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

36. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.

38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get
out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you...I want to marry
you...I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because
their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will
assume she has gained weight. When a man tries on clothing from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female
menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

47. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

50. All men would still really like to own a train set.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Mon May 12, 2008 5:31 am


There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock.

But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur.

So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, “Why can't I touch its fur?” as their didnt seem to be anything wrong with it.

Every day he came in and looked for a little while longer as he still couldnt understand until, about a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla.

He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went ape and started to jump around, then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into some one else's sports car and drove off.

In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in its own sports car, driving right behing him.

He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden and up the apple tree.

He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.

The man jumped down and ran back in to the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla.

The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shaddow coming down the street ahead.

The gorilla!

It came to the end of the alley, stood and looked striaght into the bloodshoot eyes of the man and came towards him slowly.

This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint.

The giant beast came face to face with him, raised its mighty hand and said, “Tag! You're it!”
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Mon May 12, 2008 11:02 am

PONDERABLE
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I can't remember which I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Tue May 13, 2008 5:47 am

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and asked:'Now Maria,why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'

She got the pay rise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Wed May 14, 2008 3:09 pm

A woman is taking a stroll through the woods, when a little white duck, covered in filth, crosses her path.
"Let me clean you," the woman says, taking a tissue from her purse.
The woman walks on a little further and encounters another duck, also with muck all over it.
Again, she produces a tissue and cleans the bird.
Afterwards, she hears a voice from the bushes.
"Excuse me, madam," it says. "Do you have any more tissues?"
"No, I'm afraid I've run out," the woman replies.
"All right," the voice says. "I'll just have to use another duck then."
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NICKY
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Wed May 14, 2008 3:13 pm

lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Wed May 14, 2008 3:27 pm

lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Fri May 16, 2008 4:40 am

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor."Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. "I guess it just leaves an impression."

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes
off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes
off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest.
"Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Fri May 16, 2008 6:46 am

faf faf awesome!!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Sun May 18, 2008 9:30 am

i dont get it???x
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Sun May 18, 2008 12:16 pm

indifferent wrote:
i dont get it???x

We've heard that, cos you has a rabbit danceee danceee danceee
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Mon May 19, 2008 9:26 am

I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my
secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an
agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.

She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four
hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.

She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600
a week."
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Mon May 19, 2008 12:48 pm

Keep up the good work! lol! lol! .x
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Tue May 20, 2008 6:34 am

A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder.
Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds.
Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He
looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in
his life.
Obese, snaggle-toothed, matted hair..... She looks at him, beckons,
and says, "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success."
Well, having no intention of doing *anything* with this woman, the man
climbs higher up the ladder. A bit further on, he comes upon a woman
slightly less ugly than the woman before. Not attractive, by any
means, but not repugnant. "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to
success, "she says.
Again, the man elects to continue his climb.
Before long, he comes upon another woman. This one is actually
attractive. Not a knock-out, but very pleasing. "Have sex with me, or
climb the ladder to success."
Well, he figures the women keep getting better and better looking as
he gets higher and higher. So he decides to continue climbing.
A bit farther up is the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen in his
life! Miss America beautiful. In a sultry voice she says, "Have sex
with me, or climb the ladder to success." Well, needless to say he is
*very* tempted.
But he just can't imagine what could top this woman, so he decides to
climb higher.
On the next cloud up is a horrid 500 lb man. You can see the lice in
his hair, he stinks, his clothes are ratty..... "Who are you?" our
climber asks in horror. Grinning a toothless grin, the man looks at
him and says, "Hi. I'm Cess.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Tue May 20, 2008 10:39 am

Another great joke! Keep them comming!.x
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Wed May 21, 2008 3:31 am

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife
in bed with another man.
"Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."
"It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what
if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
your wife?"
The fella ponders for a moment, then says,





















"I'd break his cane
and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."
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PostSubject: USE THE CORRECT EMAIL   Wed May 21, 2008 3:36 am

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send an e-mail to his wife back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error...

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been "called home to glory" following his heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived!

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine.

P.S. Sure is hot down here...
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PostSubject: The Man Rules   Wed May 21, 2008 3:39 am

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.



I must admit, it's pretty good.

We always hear' the rules '
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.


1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, Football
or golf.


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.


Round IS a shape!


1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping
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SMILER DAISY

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Number of posts : 71
Humor : sexy
Registration date : 2007-08-18

PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Wed May 21, 2008 2:12 pm

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma.'

And they say blondes are dumb... !!


Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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alan

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Number of posts : 361
Age : 52
Location : wallington, surrey
Humor : great
Registration date : 2007-12-02

PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Fri May 23, 2008 2:49 am

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?

Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.

Judge: Can't they do without you at work?

Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
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Ghost
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Location : Going Through Hell
Humor : sorting sheep
Registration date : 2007-12-06

PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Fri May 23, 2008 5:35 am

faf
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alan

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Number of posts : 361
Age : 52
Location : wallington, surrey
Humor : great
Registration date : 2007-12-02

PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread   Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:39 am

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress,
are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze
their men.
That night all three will wear black leather
bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a
black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me
and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love

you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I
was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes
and a raincoat. Then I opened the raincoat he didn't
say a word, but we had wild sex all night.


The married woman:
I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for
the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the
leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over

my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,


















'What's for dinner Batman?'
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